i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just cut my nipple shaving
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
