Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
