shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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