There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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