what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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