I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
