Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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