already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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