Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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