Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
