I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
