Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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