Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
