DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
