i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I currently don't understand fingers.
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