I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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