cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize