Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
