Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
