can u get pink eye on your cock?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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