i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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