4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
