My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
