how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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