I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
