You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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