I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i came on her dog
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
