Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize