Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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