you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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