I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I smell like Dick and happiness
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
