You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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