I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
