Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
