And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
