I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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