anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
