After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
