I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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