You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
our cab driver is having phone sex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Randomize
