im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
