what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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