i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
