waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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