her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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