Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
