hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
