Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize