All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
