I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
