i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
