Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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