so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize