just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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