She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
