Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He passed out mid-signature
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
