with your own penis?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
