Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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