That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
