so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
