I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize