what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
