In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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