My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
