he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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