I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
