I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
