I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize