Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
