my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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