WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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