his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
