Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
