This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
