Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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