What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
