We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
