Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
