i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
