to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Farmville is her only friend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
