I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
barbara walters just said penis...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up under a house in Key West
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