just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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