I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize