dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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