1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
