like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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