I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
