well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
