the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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