that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
