Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
