we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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