I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
