Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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