we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
