you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think people are normalizing furries
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
