I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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