yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
