Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
