My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize