I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
