and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
